The Star Trek Fuck Report

Rewatching this first season of Star Trek, it's kind of incredible how many of the episodes I'd completely forgotten. That is not the case with today's Fuck Report entry, Conspiracy. I remember the shit out of this episode because it's weird as fuck, and one of the few season one episodes that's actually good. It's been a hot minute since I've actually seen it though so will it hold up and more importantly does it have any fucking? Preexisting Prejudices As mentioned above this is one of the few episodes out of season one that I think is any good. I might even go so far as to say it's in my top ten episodes of all time. Any prejudices I might hold about this episode are largely positive. Plot Synopsis Riker kicks things off by dropping a First Officer's Log, informing us that the Enterprise is en route to an ocean planet known as Pacifica to do some science shit, but mentions that the place is also a tropical paradise and everyone is looking...

Today as part of the Star Trek Fuck Report we will be examining the 24th episode of season one of Star Trek: The Next Generation, We'll Always Have Paris. If basic cable in the 1990s taught me anything it's that if a movie has Paris in the title there are probably tits in it. While I doubt that extends to syndicated sci-fi shows from the late 80s I'm hoping that there is at least some horniness and possible implied fucking in this episode. Preexisting Prejudices Another episode I do not remember at all. I've got hopes for this episode, but don't harbor any preexisting prejudices to speak of. Plot Synopsis The Enterprise is en route to Sarona VIII for shore leave. Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ how often do these people get vacation? It seems like every third episode is them going somewhere for some "much needed rest and relaxation" before getting waylaid by whatever the actual plot of the episode is. Anyway Picard, in the Captain's Log, informs ...

I'm honestly kind of amazed that this episode is as late in the season as it actually is. Probably due to the fact that I couldn't remember half of the shitty season one episodes that existed, I assumed that this episode was way earlier in the season rather than 3 or 4 episodes before the season finale. Today we're talking about the episode titled, Skin of Evil. Preexisting Prejudices Spoiler Alert for a Thirty Year Old TV Show: This is the episode where Tasha Yar dies. This is legit one of the few season one episodes I remember well. I don't think it's a good episode or anything, but it's certainly a lot more memorable than "Wesley Crusher Takes an Entrance Exam" or "Picard is a Dick to People Who Got Tricked into Becoming Drug Addicts." Besides Yar dying there's also the first really great evil alien of The Next Generation in the form of whatever that orang minyak looking motherfucker is called. All the other foes have either been...

Welcome back to yet another entry in the Star Trek Fuck Report. Today's research finds us examining the twenty-second episode of season one of Star Trek: The Next Generation. This episode, titled Symbiosis, first aired on April 18, 1988. The brief episode synopsis I've seen tells me that this is an episode where Picard has to consider obeying the Prime Directive or helping an alien species avoid getting exploited. Sounds like yet another episode that does little to aid in my very scientific research. Preexisting Prejudices Based on the episode title and brief no-spoiler plot summary, I don't remember what this episode is and thus have no prejudices to speak of outside of my belief that I'm going to be disappointed by a complete and utter lack of boning. Plot Synopsis We begin the episode with the Enterprise arriving in some random-ass system to observe a star that is undergoing "large-scale magnetic field changes." Umm...isn't that what causes the...

Today at the Star Trek Fuck Report we will be examining the 21st episode of the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Premiering on April 11, 1988, The Arsenal of Freedom, apparently sees Geordi LaForge leading the Enterprise into battle while Picard and an away team are trapped on an alien planet by a hostile weapons system. Sounds like yet another completely fuckless episode. Let's get this shit over with. Preexisting Prejudices In spite being a Geordi guy as a child, I have little memory of this episode. Despite what the episode synopsis would lead me to believe I think the Geordi plot is probably the b-plot of this particular episode and whatever bullshit is happening with a hostile weapons system is the main shit. I don't care either way since I'm not watching this show to relive my youth, but rather in order to conduct scientific research about who fucked on Star Trek. I feel that this episode is probably going to be a complete and utter waste of time ...