Star Trek: The Next Generation - S03E07 - The Enemy

Oh hello. I didn't notice you come in. Welcome back to the Star Trek Fuck Report! The world's only scientific study in the field of Star Trek Fuckology. I know it's been quite a time since last I ventured down to the laboratory and fired up my Bunsen burners in order to determine which Star Trek character fucked with the greatest frequency. Today we are going to dissect the Season 3 episode, The Enemy

Preexisting Prejudices

I vaguely remember this episode having a main plot that was pretty much the Roadblock/Cobra Commander storyline from GI Joe: The Movie, in that two enemies, unable to survive a hostile environment on their own, end up working together in order to get out of the situation they find themselves in with their lives. I'm sure there's probably some more erudite version of this story but I'm lowbrow trash connoisseur so GI Joe: The Movie was the first thing that came to mind. Anyway I don't remember the B-plot but I hope that's got some fuckin' in it because I know there's no fuckin' in the main story.

Plot Synopsis

Today's episode begins with Geordi, Riker With Beard, and Worf on a desolate planet that's being ravaged by energy storms. All their equipment is fucked because of the storms but somehow the Enterprise had managed to receive a distress signal from the planet which I guess is why these three are on the planet to begin with, but I digress.

The three of them find a Romulan ship which was apparently destroyed after it had crashed on the planet. The three of them then spread out to see if they can find out what happened to the crew of the ship and agree to meet back up at some rendez-vous point at a certain time since there's a very small window of time when they'll be able to be beamed back up. Worf ends up finding a Romulan who tries to attack him but the Romulan is in a bad way so Worf easily subdues him and brings him back to the rendez-vous point with Riker With Beard. Geordi, meanwhile, falls into a crevasse and lands in a muddy puddle. He screams out in vain for Worf and Riker With Beard but the window during which the rest of the crew can be teleported away comes and Riker With Beard, Worf and the Romulan are beamed back to the Enterprise, leaving Geordi stranded on the desolate planet.

After that good, good opening theme song we check in on the Enterprise where Worf and Riker With Beard arrive along with the Romulan, who is in rough shape. He gets whisked off to sickbay by Doctor Beverly Crusher. Teleportation Lord O'Brien, meanwhile, is unable to get a lock on Geordi due to all the interference down on the planet. Riker With Beard then asks Picard if he can lead another away team down to the surface to search for Geordi but Picard tells him no before asking him about the crash site.

Riker With Beard tells Picard they found a destroyed Romulan craft but there was "nothing there to salvage, unless you wanna use tweezers." Picard, meanwhile, worries that the Romulans might be trying to use the planet as a staging area for a new offensive against Starfleet. 

While all this shit is going on, back on the planet, Geordi finds loose nuggets of ore and then, after forming a mold in some mud, melts the ore down to form some really rough looking spikes.

Back in sickbay, Doctor Beverly Crusher informs Picard and Riker With Beard that the Romulan is dying. She tells them that she thought it would be similar to working on Vulcans but there were enough slight differences that she doesn't really know where to start. She does know that he needs a ribosome transfusion but it's too complex to create with the replicator so they'll have to find someone on the crew who is a close enough match if the Romulan has any hope of living.

Riker With Beard wants to interrogate the Romulan while they have the chance and try to figure out why he was on the planet and so Doctor Beverly Crusher gives the Romulan an injection that rouses him from unconsciousness. Riker With Beard tells him that he's on the Enterprise and is being treated for his injuries before demanding to know what he was doing on the planet. The Romulan tells him that he will not answer any questions but then says that he was alone when Riker With Beard tells him that he wants to know if there were any other survivors from the crash. Riker With Beard tries to ask the Romulan more questions but he passes out.

"The only answer he wants to give is that he was alone," says Picard.

To which Riker With Beard replies, "Which suggests that he wasn't."

Why does that suggest that? Spoiler alert for something I'm going to spoil in like five paragraphs, but Riker With Beard is right in his assertion but what specifically about this situation makes him immediately assume the guy is lying? The only explanation I can come up with is just low level space racism, "Oh, Romulans always lie..." type nonsense which is tonally inconsistent with the big anti-space racism speech he's going to deliver later in the episode.

Meanwhile back on the planet Geordi uses his metal spikes to climb out of the pit. It's hard going but he eventually manages to pull himself out of the pit. It's a short scene but the entire time I found myself thinking, "Shouldn't they have some sort of grappling hook deal in their phaser or something for situations like this?" I dunno, maybe I've played too much D&D and it's broken my brain.

Meanwhile on the bridge of the Enterprise, Riker With Beard wants Data and Wesley Crusher: Boy Genius to come up with some way to get a message to Geordi. Wesley suggests some sort of HARD SCIENCE bullshit involving a probe with a beacon that Geordi's V.I.S.O.R. will be able to detect. The hope is that Geordi will recognize the beacon as a signal to him and rewire it as a means of sending a reply so that Teleportation Lord O'Brien will know where to beam him up from. Wesley heads off to go fiddle with a probe or whatever.

As soon as Wesley's gone Data tells Captain Picard that they are intercepting a transmission from the Romulan Zone on a parallel frequency to the distress call they picked up from the planet earlier. Picard has the transmission put up on screen and we see a Romulan trying to connect the crew of the crashed shuttle. Unknown that he is being watched by the crew of the Enterprise, the Romulan commander says that they are entering the Neutral Zone and will reach the planet in six hours.

Back from break Picard hails the Romulan ship and tells them that they intercepted their message and then warns them not to enter Federation space. The Romulan commander tells Picard that if he had known he was in the area he would have informed him of his plans to enter the Neutral Zone. He goes on to explain that one of their ships had "a slight navigational error" and crashed on the planet.

Picard calls out this obvious bullshit, saying, "A slight navigational error? Nearly half a light year past the Neutral Zone?" but the Romulan is insistent that there was no aggression intended.

Picard then informs him that they found a Romulan survivor who was brought aboard the Enterprise and is currently being treated for severe injuries. The commander, however, initially seems more concerned with the ship. Picard tells him that the ship was deliberately destroyed after the crash. The Romulan commander then says that he's sure Picard will leave at once to rendezvous with him in the Neutral Zone to return the recovered Romulan to him.

Picard tells him that they have an away team on the planet and are waiting for a window in the storm to beam them up before departing. He then asks the Romulan if there are any other Romulans on the planet the away team should be looking for but the commander insists that it was a one-man craft. He then tells Picard that they will be at the border of the Neutral Zone in five hours and expect the Enterprise to be there as well. He then hangs up the space phone.

Both Worf and Riker With Beard want to detain the Romulan for questioning which is well within their rights but Picard says that they have to be careful so as not to turn the planet they're currently above into something that would be remembered alongside Pearl Harbor.

Meanwhile down in sickbay Doctor Beverly Crusher has her staff stop giving the Romulan drugs as none of them seem to be working. She calls Picard and tells him that nothing seems to be working in treating the Romulan's injuries and that none of the humans or Vulcans on the ship are a close enough ribosome match for a transfusion. She tells him while they continue to look she's going to have to try "old-fashioned country medicine," and keep his fever down to let the body heal itself.

Back on the bridge, Wesley informs Picard that his HARD SCIENCE probe thing is ready. Picard praises the Boy Genius and has Worf launch the probe which reaches the planet, where we see Geordi crawling on some rock outcropping in the rain. Back on the Enterprise Data informs Picard that the probe is operating despite the interference from the storm.

Back down on the planet, Geordi has taken shelter in a cave from which catches sight of the probe's beacon using V.I.S.O.R. and immediately recognizes what it is and who would have been responsible for it.

"Thank you, Wesley!" he says to himself as he heads out of the cave and towards the beacon. Unfortunately for him as he walks towards it someone sneaks up behind him and knocks him the fuck out! Oh shit! It's another Romulan!

Back from commercials Geordi awakes to see a Romulan pointing his own phaser at him. The Romulan informs him, "You are my prisoner," to which Geordi sarcastically replies, "Right. Congratulations. Surely a strategic triumph for the Romulan Empire." Geordi tries to make conversation as he dumps sand out of his boots but the Romulan just tells him that Geordi's going to come with him when the Romulan ship arrives to rescue him.

Geordi tells him that it's not going to go down like that because they heard his ship's distress call and the skies above the planet are now swarming with Federation ships. The Romulan calls him a liar to which Geordi replies, "I never lie when I've got sand in my shoes, Commodore."

The Romulan tells Geordi to get up and come with him. Geordi tries to protest and tell him that they need to work together if they have any hope of getting off the planet. A giant styrofoam rock then falls on the Romulan, injuring him. Geordi, instead of just grabbing his gun and fleeing, helps the Romulan out from the rubble and then carries him into a cave where the Romulan points the phaser at Geordi again. Geordi cannot believe this shit and mutters, "Welcome to Galorndon Core, where no good deed goes unpunished."

Meanwhile on the Enterprise it turns out that Worf's ribosomes or electrolytes or whatever are a match for the Romulan. Doctor Beverly Crusher talks to him about giving blood but Worf is not all about that on account of Romulans murdering his entire family. Doctor Beverly Crusher tells him she understands how he feels but this is neither the time nor the place.

"If you had seen them kill your parents, you would understand, Doctor, it is always the time and place for those feelings," Worf tells her.

Doctor Beverly Crusher tries to reason with Worf by telling him that this specific Romulan didn't murder his family and that Worf is the only one who can save him.

"Then he will die!" says Worf like an absolute king.

Back down on the planet, the topic of conversation is also death as the Romulan mocks Geordi for being afraid to die. The Romulan tells him that for him it would be an honor to die in the service of his people and then Geordi mocks him for believing that nonsense and calls him Commodore.

The Romulan tells Geordi that his name is actually Centurion Bakrah or some shit but when he does he suddenly winces in pain. Geordi asks him what is wrong but Bakrah tells him, "Nothing." Geordi, however, knows that some shit is going down thanks to V.I.S.O.R. and tells the Romulan that his heart rate had just shot up. He explains how V.I.S.O.R. works and Bakrah is perplexed how a child that had been born blind such as Geordi was allowed to live.

"No wonder your race is weak. You waste time and resources on defective children," says Bakrah.

Geordi, however, is more concerned with the fact that his connection to V.I.S.O.R. is starting to freak the fuck out as is Bakrah's body temperature. He says that the electromagnetic storm must be fucking with their nervous systems and they need to get out of there while they still can but Bakrah still treats him like a prisoner and tells him to sit down.

Back on the Enterprise everyone is worried that Geordi hasn't checked in yet and wonders if he's hurt or dead. The space phone then rings and it's the Romulan ship. They are nearing the edge of the Neutral Zone and their commander is pissed that the Enterprise is not there as well. Picard tells him that his away team is still stuck on the planet. The Romulan commander asks about his injured officer and Picard tells him that he is still alive but his life is still in jeopardy.

The Romulan commander gets pissed that Picard won't allow him to come into Federation territory to retrieve his man but Picard is adamant that doing so would be an act of war. The commander brings up his earlier explanation but Picard tells him that he rejects his explanation.

"Territories!" says the Romulan commander, "You would measure territories against a man's life?"

Picard tells him that he is impressed by his concern for a single man's life but tells him not to "risk any more lives by leaving the Neutral Zone." Shit's getting hairy!

Back on the planet, Geordi tries again to reason with Bakrah telling him that they're both in bad shape and getting worse but there's a beacon that they can use to get back to the Enterprise if they can get to it. Bakrah doesn't want to surrender to the Federation so Geordi tells him to stay there and die then. Bakrah asks Geordi what he would do if the situation was reversed. Geordi tells him that he didn't know but probably would only choose to stay and die if the stakes were "pretty damn high."

Bakrah then confesses that he no more wishes to die than Geordi does and finally puts down the phaser. Geordi then stands up so the two of them can go find the beacon but bellows, "WHOA!!" and then explains that he's no longer connected to V.I.S.O.R. and is completely blind.

Back from break, Worf goes to talk to Riker With Beard about space racism. He tells Worf that he understands Worf's bitterness but Worf tells him that Riker With Beard cannot possibly understand his bitterness. He says that he is being asked to "give up the very lifeblood" of his parents to the people who murdered them.

"Must you blame all Romulans for that?" asks Riker With Beard.

"Yes," replies Worf.

"Forever?" asks Riker With Beard, "What if some day the Federation made peace with the Romulans."

Worf doesn't believe that could possibly happen but Riker With Beard says that people thought the same thing about Klingons and Humans. He asks Worf to think about how many people died in that war and whether or not the two of them would be able to be having this conversation if people hadn't been able to let go of the anger and blame.

"If that Romulan dies," Riker With Beard asks, "does his family carry the bitterness on another generation?"

Worf explains that his training tells him that he should do one thing while everything that he is tells him something else. At that moment Doctor Beverly Crusher calls and summons Worf to the sickbay.

Down in the sickbay, Doctor Beverly Crusher wants Worf to see the Romulan before he dies and tells him that it's not too late to change his mind. She leaves the two of them alone and the Romulan tells Worf to come close so that he can die with his hands around Worf's throat. Worf, however, informs the Romulan that he has something in his blood that the Romulan needs to survive.

The Romulan asks him if he has come to hear him beg, to which Worf says, "No." It's a moot point though because the Romulan tells Worf that he would rather die than pollute his body with "Klingon filth."

Back on the planet things are getting really bad. Bakrah has lost the feeling in his legs and Geordi can't see. Bakrah asks him how they can find the beacon but Geordi tells him they can't since he can't use V.I.S.O.R. anymore. Bakrah suggests connecting V.I.S.O.R. to the tricorder and using it that way. Geordi says that in normal circumstances he could maybe do it without his eyes he won't be able to do it so Bakrah offers to be his eyes.

Back on the bridge of the Enterprise, Data informs the captain that the storm is subsiding and they will have a window in less than an hour. Riker With Beard is told by Picard to assemble an away team but at that very moment the Romulan ship crosses over the Neutral Zone. Worf informs the bridge that the ship is now in Federation space and headed toward them.

"Belay that order, Number One. Red alert," say Picard as we head to break one final time.

Back on the planet, Geordi and Bakrah work together to get V.I.S.O.R. hooked up to the tricorder and manage to get it to work. They are able to detect the beacon and Bakrah mentions that the storm seems to be breaking. Geordi says that if they're lucky they might still be able to get off the planet but Bakrah's a bit bummed since at that point he'll become a prisoner.

Geordi doesn't seem like he plays like that though and asks Bakrah if he can walk. Bakrah's not sure so Geordi helps him and the two of them set off together toward the beacon, with Bakrah giving directions and Geordi helping him walk.

Back on the Enterprise, Picard asks to speak to Worf in the ready room. He explains to Worf the reality of what might happen if the Romulan dies while on their ship. Worf tells him that he will donate his blood if ordered to do so but Picard tells him that he would not order him to do such a thing and instead begs Worf to volunteer. Worf informs him that he cannot and Picard dismisses him and then calls Doctor Beverly Crusher to tell her to stop asking Worf about giving blood. She tells him it's no longer necessary as the Romulan has died.

Back on the planet, Geordi and Bakrah find the beacon. Geordi explains that they need to alter the pattern the transmitter is sending so the crew on the Enterprise will know that they've found it. Bakrah asks if it will be difficult and Geordi tells him, "No. Not with your help." This is some real "What about side by side with a friend?" shit if I'm being honest.

Meanwhile the Romulan ship has arrived near the planet and their commander gives Picard one last chance to return their officer. Picard tells him that his man is already dead and the Romulan commander tells Picard, "Then he is but the first to fall, Picard," and hangs up the space phone and begins powering up his ship's cannons. Picard orders all power to the shields and for the phasers to be locked on the Romulan ship.

At this very instance, the Boy Genius detects a change to the probe's transmitter. Geordi is still alive and what's more Data detects a second lifeform with Geordi. Unfortunately they are unable to use the teleportation chamber with the shields up and if they lower the shields the Romulan ship will blow them up. It's a real dilly of a pickle, believe you me since the window during which they can safely teleport Geordi back is rapidly closing.

They guess that the second lifeform is another Romulan and as the Romulan ship has no way of knowing how accurate their scanners are decide to just bluff that they are certain the second individual is a Romulan to get the commander of the Romulan warship to chill out for a moment so they can beam folks aboard.

Picard hails the Romulan ship, who seem to be ignoring him, and explain that they have managed to save a second man from the Romulan's one-man craft and want to beam him and the Enterprise's away team off the planet but to do so will need to lower their shields. He says that when the shields are down the Romulan ship will easily be able to destroy the Enterprise but in doing so will also destroy the ceasefire the two sides currently enjoy.

He gets no response from the Romulan ship but has the shields lowered and then tells Teleportation Lord O'Brien to beam Geordi and the Romulan directly to the bridge. Picard has the shields put back on and then assures Bakrah that he will not be harmed. Geordi gives his word as well.

The commander of the Romulan ship then appears on the screen and asks if his man has been harmed. Bakrah explains that he has told them nothing but he has not been mistreated. "In fact", he says, "this human (Geordi) saved my life."

Picard asks the commander how it was possible that he did not know how many men were on the planet. The Romulan commander assures Picard that he was merely "misinformed" about the size of the craft's crew. Picard tells him he would be more inclined to believe him if he were to power down his ship's weapons and with a nod to an off camera crew the Romulan commander makes it so. Picard thanks him and tells him that Bakrah will be returned to their ship at once and the Enterprise will then escort them back to the Neutral Zone. This is acceptable and the Romulan Commander ends the transmission.

Picard welcomes Geordi back, Geordi tells him that he has Bakrah to thank for it. Picard has him and Worf take Bakrah to the nearest teleportation chamber and once their gone Riker With Beard is like, "Woooo! What a close call!"

"Too close, Number One. Brinkmanship is a dangerous game," replies Picard and then the Enterprise and the Romulan ship fly off in opposite directions. Wait, wasn't the Enterprise supposed to escort them to the Neutral Zone? Is this random shot supposed to be something happening hours later or did they just reuse existing footage? Whatever the case, that's the episode.

How Rikered Was Riker With Beard?

Riker With Beard seemed pretty sober here. He was all stern and serious while on the planet and then in supervisor mode when dealing with Worf's racism.

Final Thoughts

This was honestly a very good episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I liked that both the A and B story were tied to each other and that both tackled the same theme, albeit in different ways and from different angles. The one thing I didn't really understand was towards the end after the dying Romulan tells Worf that he'd rather die than get a blood transfusion from him Worf has a meeting where Picard tries to talk him into giving blood to that guy. Picard goes on about how without Worf the dude is going to die and possible set off a hot war with the Romulans but he won't force Worf to give the man his blood if he doesn't want to. Worf never mentions that the Romulan straight up told him that he wouldn't take his blood and so Worf just stands there and Picard gets disappointed. It seems kind of weird that they wanted to end with Worf's shipmates thinking he was space racists when the show had already included a scene to sort of downplay that which the audience was privy to but what do I know, I'm just a guy watching syndicated sci-fi shows from the late 80s and early 90s trying to figure out who fucked the most. What the fuck do I know about writing for TV?

Fuck Count

As good as this episode was, there was, unfortunately no fucking to speak of. There wasn't even any sort of low level horniness. It was just a couple of guys surviving harsh conditions and another dude trying to figure out whether or not he wants to choose forgiveness or an endless cycle of racism and animosity. 

Total Fucks for Episode: 0
Total Fucks for Season: 0
Total Fucks for Series: 16 (+1~3)