The Star Trek Fuck Report

Welcome back to the Star Trek Fuck Report, the only scientific study ever conducted to determine which Star Trek character fucked the most. When last we checked in with the Enterprise, the crew was going through a bit of a sexual dry patch so to speak. Sure there were some attempts to fuck a computer program and an old man deaging and attempting to fuck his wife, but something always got in the way. Today we're checking in on a terraforming colony with a secret. Maybe it's a sexy secret, but probably not... Preexisting Prejudices I don't remember much about this episode based on the plot description. I'm guessing it's another middle of the road season one episode since the episodes that are good or really terrible I remember. It's the ones like these that I probably saw a million times in reruns while making dinner as a college student that I have zero memory of. Plot Synopsis The Enterprise is en route to some kind of official job that is really an exc...

Here we go again kids! It's time for yet another season one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Today we're looking at When the Bough Breaks, an episode that first aired way back on February 15, 1988. The little plot blurb I'm looking at here tells me that Escaped Convict Wesley Crusher has to protect a group of kidnapped children while Picard works to free them. This does not instill a great deal of confidence that this episode is going to be any good. Preexisting Prejudices This seems to be a Wesley Crusher heavy episode which means I'll probably hate it a lot more than I did when I saw it as a small child. Based on the one sentence plot synopsis I saw ahead of watching this episode I'm pretty sure there's going to be zero fucking. Plot Synopsis While attempting to evade capture by his calculus loving father, some random-ass small child runs smack into Riker who is making his way to the bridge after being summoned by Picard. The child and his f...

It's time once again for another trek to the stars with your pals and mine, the crew of the USS Enterprise. For those of you just joining us here this is the Star Trek Fuck Report where we determine once and for all which member of the Enterprise fucked most frequently. Preexisting Prejudices This is another season one episode that I have absolutely know memory of based on the brief plot summary I saw. Plot Synopsis After Starfleet received a transmission from Governor Karnas of Mordan IV in which the governor explains that terrorists had taken the Federation ambassador hostage and requested a Federation negotiator, the Enterprise was dispatched to pick up Admiral Mark Jameson, the only person Karnas thought qualified to do the job. Picard transmits this message to the aforementioned Admiral Mark Jameson who is a dude with some really terrible old man stage makeup. Picard explains the situation to Jameson and then wonders why Karnas couldn't solve this problem on his...

It's time for another trek into the stars in the next generation! Today we're taking a peep at the 15th episode of season 1 of Star Trek: The Next Generation, 11001001, which I guess is "É" in languages for not-robots. What that random-ass title (either the binary shit or the random French letter) has to do with aliens hijacking the Enterprise I cannot say since I don't remember anything about this particular episode. Preexisting Prejudices As I mentioned above I don't remember shit about this episode, but based on the brief plot blurb I guess it's about aliens attempting to steal the Enterprise. Some people have told me that this is one of the rare "decent" episodes out of season one, but I think those people were probably talking about its merits as an episode of a television show and not as a piece of data in the definitive study into the exciting field of Star Trek Fuckology. All of these words are a pretty convoluted way to say I have...

Here we go! Angel One baby! One of the worst episodes of any Star Trek series ever in the history of stars and treks. What is there to say about it that more serious scholars of Star Trek haven't already said, but good episodes and bad episodes are all equal in the eyes of a Star Trek Fuckologist provided there are trips to the bone zone to be seen. So does this one have it? Let's find out! Preexisting Prejudices I am quite of the mind that this episode sucks but also think there's fucking to be found which means it'll have to rank this is better than most of the episodes I've seen out of season 1. Plot Synopsis While cruising around in space, the Enterprise discovered the wreckage of a freighter called Odin which disappeared seven years earlier. Apparently it got wrecked by an asteroid and there was no sign of life on board, but scans reveal that three escape pods were missing. The Enterprise then goes to Angel One, a nearby class M planet to see if ther...