The Star Trek Fuck Report

First airing on November 30, 1987, Haven was the 11th episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It is apparently about the upcoming wedding of one Deanna Troi and the fact that her mom wants to fuck Picard. The episode summary also mentions a "plague ship," but unless it's a fuck plague ship I don't give a shit since it's outside the purview of this scientific study. Preexisting Prejudices I have a vague recollection of this episode for a very bizarre reason. My given name was, in America in the 1980s at least, exceedingly rare and this episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation was one of the few instances when I saw a person (real or fictional) who shared my name and wasn't a wild west sheriff. Please don't dox me. Other than that I don't remember much about this one except I think this might be the episode where an alien culture mentions nude weddings that I erroneously attributed to the Ferengi in an earlier Fuck Report. Plot Synopsis Du...

Fuck, another goddamn Q episode and the episode title is playing like it's a pun or something but it REALLY is not. It's times like this that I'm glad I have a singular quest to get through shitty episodes. That quest, for those of you just joining us, is to determine who on Star Trek: The Next Generation fucked the most. Preexisting Prejudices I can't remember precisely which Q episode this is, but I never really liked Q as an antagonist. There was something about having a trickster god as a foe for a HARD SCIENCE sci-fi show that never really worked for me. I don't know. Hopefully some people fuck. Plot Synopsis Today's adventure begins, as always, with Picard dropping a Captain's Log. He talks about how Troi's not going to be in this episode because she's away on holiday before saying that after dropping her off for her vacation, the Enterprise got a call for medical assistance from a nearby mining colony that had a methane gas explo...

After a most welcomed fuck-fest in the last episode I am feeling most refreshed and ready to continue my exceedingly scientific research. Today we will be examining the 9th episode of season 1, The Battle, which debuted on November 16, 1987. Preexisting Prejudices I've no memory of this episode, but the brief plot synopsis for it mentions Ferengi which does not instill in me a great deal of confidence. The Ferengi, particular the Ferengi circa season 1 of Star Trek: The Next Generation, are routinely awful, so I'm not looking forward to this episode. Plot Synopsis Picard narrates about the plot hook for this episode. The Enterprise has arrived at some random star system to rendezvous with a Ferengi ship that requested a meeting. Picard, via voice-over, informs us that they arrived and hailed the vessel three days ago but since then have only received, "Stand by Enterprise." The actual episode begins with Dr. Beverly Crusher visiting Picard in his lair...

Today, in our continuing work in the exciting field of Star Trek Fuckology, we examine the November 9, 1987 episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation: Justice. If memory serves correctly in this episode the crew visits an especially horny planet so there's a decent chance we might finally put this dry-spell behind us and get some hardcore fucking! Preexisting Prejudice This is one of the early episodes I remember reasonably well from earlier viewings. While I don't remember it being a particularly inspired episode it is an episode where that pain in the ass, Wesley Crusher, is sentenced to death for crushing a flower while being a jackanapes which is a solid plot hook. Unfortunately for those of us who hate the Archfiend Wesley Crusher, he manages to avoid death. Spoiler alert I guess... Plot Synopsis Picard makes an entry in his Captain's Log informing us that after dropping off some settlers on a random-ass planet the Enterprise discovered another Earth-like plan...

Today in our continuing effort to scientifically determine who fucked the most, we are taking a look at the seventh episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. First airing on November 2, 1987, this episode is about an alien entity that takes over the Enterprise while it transports some diplomats to some kind of peace conference or some shit. All I know is that I hope it has fucking and doesn't have the outright racism that has been so prominently featured in some earlier episodes this season. Preexisting Prejudices This is another episode that does not sound all that familiar to me based on the brief episode description. There's some shit about Sherlock Holmes but the only detective shit I recall is stuff that went down on the Holdeck while this seems more like applying Sherlock Holmes style deductive reasoning to the "real world." All I know is that I hope someone fucks in this episode. There have been too many alien of the week episodes in a row and I need som...